Tuesday, November 17, 2009

In every life, a little rain must fall

Today was not a great day. Correction: the past few days have not been great. And why is that? Because I am a glutton for punishment. No matter how much I know it will hurt, I will continue to do stupid things like this all because I so strongly desire friendship.

It is nearly two in the morning and I am still awake. I should have been asleep long ago, I have class in six hours. But instead, here I am, awake and blogging about my life. Pretty pathetic, yeah?

Anyway, I had a presentation today on Dietrich Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship and it went well. When I picked that book I was expecting it to be challenging, but not to the extent that it was. Plus, after studying a little about Bonhoeffer's life, I realized that he actually lived life in the way that he describes in the book and he had a genuine heart for God.

I have an issue with a few of my friends, but as of yet have been too timid to mention it to them. I am not a confrontational person, I am a people-pleaser. However, tonight I was confronted about my lack of accountability for my brothers and now I am really conflicted. I feel that I should talk to them about it, but I know that if I do, our relationship will invariably change. Well, let's be honest-I don't know that it will change our relationship; in fact, it might be beneficial and help our relationship. But there again, I kind of doubt it.

I feel really sorry for myself right now and as I write this, I am becoming more and more repulsed by that. Who am I that I should be so self-absorbed that I allow bad days and situations to completely alter my attitude. I don't know.

Tomorrow is a new day and with it, comes new challenges. I pray that I will be able to face them with joy and peace.

Later, gator


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