Saturday, July 31, 2010

All that work and what did it get me?

I am a swirling mass of emotions right now-nothing new, right? I am hurt, overjoyed, nervous, tired, sad, scared. I realize that now everything changes. Life kicks into gear-the good times are coming to an end. And yet there will always be that element which does not falter-the piece that has no connection.

It is through that element that I find myself at a loss tonight. On one hand, I am so thankful for the ways in which God has been working in my life. On the other hand, I don't know what to do for the bulk of it. Sometimes, all I can do is listen and offer prayer-I am genuinely pathetic. What am I doing? What am I not doing?-perhaps that is a better question.

Don't let the title fool you-this may have begun as a pity blog, but it is not that now. Through this process of writing and reflection, I have come to a place where I realize the idiocy of it all. If I am doing this for me, of course I will base the results on how it affects me. It begs the question, 'Why did I do it?' I think I am still trying to figure that out exactly, but I am certainly tired of living for myself. I am also tired of living for those who only serve to bleed me dry for their own purpose. Don't confuse this with those who need to be poured into-completely different spectra. Anyway, this is probably sounding like a broken record to most of you-the same old story told with a different pitch. Maybe you're right; but I think each time this comes around I have a new perspective and a deeper knowledge and understanding. There again, maybe not. Perhaps I am doomed to deal with similar problems all of my life-much like an endless waltz, the three beats of turmoil (war), peace, and change (revolution) going on into eternity.

And as I sit here philosophizing, I am reminded of a friend's blog in which he addressed the problem of our society and the fact that we spend too much time talking and reflecting (this is not an attack, merely a means of dialogue) and how it deadens our passion. We spend all of our time talking about doing good, and not actually doing the good we discuss.

I agree that we are not doing enough, but I am not sure the best means of correcting the situation. I can honestly say, I have a desire to help and give of myself. However, I have come to realize that my 'helping' can cause just as much harm as it can benefit.

So what should I do? Sit around and wait until all the elements are perfect and guaranteed success? μὴ γένοιτο!-loosely translated, 'No way!' If I wait around for that, I will never see it-I would be like the servant in Luke 19 who is given a mina but rather than do anything with it, he simply hides it in a handkerchief. God has a lot for me to do and I need to be willing to step up and do that work. But I am not going to stop thinking-it is just such a big part of my nature, I rarely act without thinking.

All I can do is be faithful in the work God has for me and realize that I have a role to play, but I do not have top billing.

Kairos-these are our defining moments,

David A. Bell

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Metaphysic puzzle

So I'm preaching again this weekend. A scary thought, I know.

I can't believe the summer is almost over-soon people will be returning from their various excursions and taking up their old haunt at G-dubb. I am sad to see this summer go-there have been so many amazing moments. Go has been revealing a lot to me and just allowing me to see some awesomeness. But as with all things, this too must come to an end.

But with this chapter closing, another must begin. What does this season hold for my life? I wish I knew. Do I really though? Would I feel better if I had a sneak peek at the events that would soon unfold in my life? Probably not. So I guess I can thank God that I am not aware of my future and that I am given the gift of living each day as its own. There is too much amazingness in this world to let it pass by while focusing too heavily on the future.

I may not be exactly where I want to be (both physically and metaphysically), but I am where I need to be, at least for the moment.

Kairos-these are our defining moments,

David A. Bell

Thinking of you
Wherever you are

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Prepare

Yes, it's been a while. Some might say too long, I would argue that point. Regardless, here I am again.

I recently returned from a week at camp with my youth boys (and a few youth girls, too). It was beyond amazing-honestly, I cannot tell you how awesome it was to see God working in each of our lives.

It was while there that I was introduced to one of my new favorite bands-Reverchon. You should look them up and listen to their music, it is superb. One song in particular which I think struck a chord with all of us in attendance was called "Overtake Me"-it is based on the Romans 7 passage in which Paul discusses the fact that the thing he wants to do, he can't and the thing he doesn't want to do, that he keeps doing. I think one of the main reasons that it resonated with so many of us is because we can all relate to that issue. I know that I certainly can. "I've grown cold, my heart seems lost to the Great I AM, to the hallowed one." No matter how much I may want to do good, I cannot-any good I may have intended only turns to evil and further harms those around me.

Thank the LORD it is not about me. I may never hear of my impact on a person's life, nor be approached for 'saving' their life; I may never experience the amazing growth and maturation of a mentee. But God's got it. Isn't that the most comforting thing you've ever heard? To know that it is not about us! Maybe not to everyone-some may even take issue with my theology here, but I don't care. I can sit and bicker about God's role in our lives, or I can demonstrate His love and compassion. I'm not sure this is coherent or linear, but these are my thoughts right now and I feel like getting them down. So deal with it, :-b

I don't know why I expect to be praised; Jesus never told us that we would be held up and admired as heroes. In fact, as one of my best friends and one of my most favorite people in the world recently told me-'Look at Jesus, all of his closest friends deserted Him and left Him to die. Can you really expect to do better?' Honestly, no I can't.

Kairos-these are our defining moments; let's make them count,

David A. Bell

I have decided to follow Jesus
I have decided to follow Jesus
I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back
No turning back
No turning back