So I lied. I didn't post anything yesterday, like I said I would. I'm sorry, I was not feeling well last night and I was exhausted from being up until 3 the night before. So I apologize; I hope you guys can forgive me.
Anywho, so today a friend of mine let me borrow the book, "The Weight of Glory" by C.S. Lewis, specifically to read one of his sermons called 'The Inner Ring'. Now I know why my friend asked me to read this sermon, we had been having a conversation that sort of tied into this topic at lunch that day and he got really excited about my reading this section.
Basically, it is about how each society has secret groups, inner rings if you will, and every person within that society attempts to penetrate those groups and become a member. C.S. Lewis goes on to say that there is nothing wrong with these types of groups, sometimes things have to be kept secret; however, the uncontrollable desire to be included in these groups, as well as the groups flaunting of their exclusivity are bad.
So reading this has given me a lot to think about, particularly this quote from Lewis, "Of all passions, the passion for the Inner Ring is the most skillful in making a man who is not yet a very bad man do very bad things." Wow. That pretty much says it all for me; it has made me realize how much my desire to 'fit in' has driven much of what I do. Now, I can't say that I have ever done anything really bad (most of you know that I lead a very boring childhood/adolescence)(but then who I am to say what is a 'big thing' and what is not) but I have certainly made decisions that I wish I hadn't or that I could possibly take back. I need to stop seeking man's approval-Gal. 1:10 "For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ." (NASB) That is one of my life verses, and I have once again let it slip through my memory and focus on my desires instead of Christ's calling. The truth is I spend far too much time worried about being 'best friends' with people than I do living like Christ, and that truth is heavy. I don't want to deal with it, I want to ignore it and pretend that everything will be ok if I can just find that 'best friend' who I can turn to for every problem. And maybe I can find that best friend; maybe I can find it in Jesus.
It all seems to go back to that conversation that Brittany and I had after the Verge. Where do I seek acceptance? I cannot serve two masters; I can't try to please both man and God. So I guess it is time to stop trying. Even if all my friends desert me (not that they would), I still have Jesus. Sounds pretty trite, but I don't care-make fun of me all you want, I need to stop letting popularity dictate who I am.
I am thankful for my memory. Today, we visited a nursing home and sang Christmas carols to some of the residents with Alzheimer's. On one point, it was awesome to see them singing along with us. But on another point, it was so poignant to realize that some of them cannot even remember their own name.