Saturday, February 20, 2010

With Kind of a Heavy Heart...

A while back, I wrote about encouragement and my desire to be an encouraging person. Well, while speaking with some people today, they referred to me as an encourager, saying that I have been encouraging them, etc. That was possibly the highlight of my day. Does that make me an egotistical person? Probably. But it meant so much to me to know that I am making an impact and affecting lives here on campus.

There again, we are not called to seek earthly rewards and so I shouldn't seek after those kinds of recognition. I don't know. I am fairly insecure and so I kind of desire those words of affirmation. So yeah it was nice to hear.

I am hurting. A lot. Like a lot, a lot. I am hurting from a change in my life; I am hurting for the problems that others are facing; I am hurting because I don't see people anymore. I am crying out in pain-to no one. The people who I wish would listen either don't understand or don't care. They are so focused on themselves that they can't hear what I am going through. They expect me to be able to listen to them (without fully addressing the real issue(s)) and give advice/guidance on a situation I don't fully comprehend-nor do I think they are willing to heed my advice (not that they necessarily should). I am hurt that people say that can come to me, yet when they need to talk about something-it seems they go to everyone but me. Even people they don't really know-seeking counsel there and completely blowing me off. I am hurt by the duplicity that I seen so rampant on this campus and on this Earth.

I am hurt by the changes I see taking place. I am full of hurt. That hurt is not going anywhere because the people who can help me, won't; and the people who want to help, can't. There is one other person I know I could rely on for support and help, but that person is so overloaded right now, there is no way (s)he would be able to help.

I was told today that I don't have a lot on my plate and can't understand why other people who do have a lot can't make time. Maybe they were right, but I know what it is like to be overloaded and yet I was still able to make time for those friends who needed me. So don't tell me you don't have time-if something/someone is important to you, you will make time.

Life sucks,



  1. First off, I don't think it makes you an egotistical person to be filled by being called an encourager. We all need encouragement and being told you're a good encourager is encouragement. :-) When you've worked at something and learned you've been successful you have every right to be proud of yourself.
    Just don't run around telling everyone for the next four years and bragging incessantly because that's where you cross the line to egotistical.

    Secondly, I'm sorry life sucks. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to make it better.

    <>< Katie

  2. Hey David -

    I don't know your specifics, but I know how it feels to feel low and be confused and hurt and whatever by changes and people, etc. Take this for what it's worth - people will never fill that ache in your heart, only the Lord. Our expectations for others will consistently and ultimately fail us. And we, in turn fail others.

    Don't forsake the fountain of living water. :) Jeremiah 2:13