The plot thickens...

It seems that new posts often come when a) I am really sad or forlorn; b) I am really tired and should be sleeping; c) excited about new prospects; d) desirous of sharing new insights; or e) any combination of the above or below. Okay!

Suffice to say, this post falls under the a and b categories. So let's get this over with so I can attempt to sleep tonight.

As most of you know, I have a desire (probably not the best word, but most readily available to my mental capacity at this present moment) to help young people-spiritually, emotionally in their day-to-day, basically in anyway that I can. Well, this year is no different (the cast may change but the plot twists are reused periodically) and I have once again found myself in a position to help.

Plot twist #1-when it comes down to to it, I am not nearly as much fun as I first appear. Allow me to explain: I feel that I am a pretty fun individual and I know how to laugh and have a good time. However, there comes a time in which it is necessary to put aside the need for fun and recognize the need for honor, integrity, and order. Part of this has come from current position, but it has also come from natural maturation that occurs (or at least should occur) as we progress through life and collect various experiences to add to our repertoire. Anyway, people who once found me to be pretty cool will eventually decide I am too much of a morally-minded individual and turn to other sources for a more balanced guidance. Maybe this is a lesson I need to learn-prior to this particular moment I have always placed the blame on the other person. Perhaps I need to think about this more before I come to a conclusion, but certainly something to ponder.

Plot twist #2-people will always let you down. I had a lot more to say but decided to just let it speak for itself.

I may continue this later, but right now I need to get some sleep.

These are our defining moments-what do they mean to you?

David A. Bell

I Just Can't Get You Off My Mind

There are so many thoughts going through my head, right now. Most of which I can't begin to fathom.

God has revealed a great deal to me and revealed even more how little I know, despite my priding myself on my discernment. I couldn't allow these events to transpire without acknowledging them and addressing them here.

God has been using me a whole lot lately-don't ask me, I don't understand it myself. I have been in situations in which an off the cuff remark has been turned into full fledged conversation and drawn people from places about which I had no idea.

Earlier in the week, Pastor Rob was speaking about Moses and his fear of speaking publicly and saying how he wasn't eloquent and that God should send someone else in his place. Well, God says that he will send Moses' brother Aaron to speak for him; however, if you look through Exodus you will see that at no point does Aaron speak for Moses-Moses is the one who does all the speaking. Well, I was thinking about this and I was like 'surely God knew that Moses was going to be the one who would be speaking, so why offer Aaron?' The more I thought about it, the more I thought that God saw through Moses' front of being afraid to speak and saw that Moses was afraid to be alone and so God sent his brother to be there with him and provide comfort. I hadn't thought about it that way before and I was so thankful for God offering that insight to me-because how many times I have tried to cover the real issues with facades and false fronts. Here lately I have tried to break that down and to be as upfront as I can with people, no matter how blunt I may be.

Well the events of tonight are similar, but also so different; however, I am still working through them, so I won't go into detail yet. I might later, but it is really late right now and I am tired.

These are our defining moments (more than I realize),

David A. Bell

All that work and what did it get me?

I am a swirling mass of emotions right now-nothing new, right? I am hurt, overjoyed, nervous, tired, sad, scared. I realize that now everything changes. Life kicks into gear-the good times are coming to an end. And yet there will always be that element which does not falter-the piece that has no connection.

It is through that element that I find myself at a loss tonight. On one hand, I am so thankful for the ways in which God has been working in my life. On the other hand, I don't know what to do for the bulk of it. Sometimes, all I can do is listen and offer prayer-I am genuinely pathetic. What am I doing? What am I not doing?-perhaps that is a better question.

Don't let the title fool you-this may have begun as a pity blog, but it is not that now. Through this process of writing and reflection, I have come to a place where I realize the idiocy of it all. If I am doing this for me, of course I will base the results on how it affects me. It begs the question, 'Why did I do it?' I think I am still trying to figure that out exactly, but I am certainly tired of living for myself. I am also tired of living for those who only serve to bleed me dry for their own purpose. Don't confuse this with those who need to be poured into-completely different spectra. Anyway, this is probably sounding like a broken record to most of you-the same old story told with a different pitch. Maybe you're right; but I think each time this comes around I have a new perspective and a deeper knowledge and understanding. There again, maybe not. Perhaps I am doomed to deal with similar problems all of my life-much like an endless waltz, the three beats of turmoil (war), peace, and change (revolution) going on into eternity.

And as I sit here philosophizing, I am reminded of a friend's blog in which he addressed the problem of our society and the fact that we spend too much time talking and reflecting (this is not an attack, merely a means of dialogue) and how it deadens our passion. We spend all of our time talking about doing good, and not actually doing the good we discuss.

I agree that we are not doing enough, but I am not sure the best means of correcting the situation. I can honestly say, I have a desire to help and give of myself. However, I have come to realize that my 'helping' can cause just as much harm as it can benefit.

So what should I do? Sit around and wait until all the elements are perfect and guaranteed success? μὴ γένοιτο!-loosely translated, 'No way!' If I wait around for that, I will never see it-I would be like the servant in Luke 19 who is given a mina but rather than do anything with it, he simply hides it in a handkerchief. God has a lot for me to do and I need to be willing to step up and do that work. But I am not going to stop thinking-it is just such a big part of my nature, I rarely act without thinking.

All I can do is be faithful in the work God has for me and realize that I have a role to play, but I do not have top billing.

Kairos-these are our defining moments,

David A. Bell

Metaphysic puzzle

So I'm preaching again this weekend. A scary thought, I know.

I can't believe the summer is almost over-soon people will be returning from their various excursions and taking up their old haunt at G-dubb. I am sad to see this summer go-there have been so many amazing moments. Go has been revealing a lot to me and just allowing me to see some awesomeness. But as with all things, this too must come to an end.

But with this chapter closing, another must begin. What does this season hold for my life? I wish I knew. Do I really though? Would I feel better if I had a sneak peek at the events that would soon unfold in my life? Probably not. So I guess I can thank God that I am not aware of my future and that I am given the gift of living each day as its own. There is too much amazingness in this world to let it pass by while focusing too heavily on the future.

I may not be exactly where I want to be (both physically and metaphysically), but I am where I need to be, at least for the moment.

Kairos-these are our defining moments,

David A. Bell

Thinking of you
Wherever you are

Prepare

Yes, it's been a while. Some might say too long, I would argue that point. Regardless, here I am again.

I recently returned from a week at camp with my youth boys (and a few youth girls, too). It was beyond amazing-honestly, I cannot tell you how awesome it was to see God working in each of our lives.

It was while there that I was introduced to one of my new favorite bands-Reverchon. You should look them up and listen to their music, it is superb. One song in particular which I think struck a chord with all of us in attendance was called "Overtake Me"-it is based on the Romans 7 passage in which Paul discusses the fact that the thing he wants to do, he can't and the thing he doesn't want to do, that he keeps doing. I think one of the main reasons that it resonated with so many of us is because we can all relate to that issue. I know that I certainly can. "I've grown cold, my heart seems lost to the Great I AM, to the hallowed one." No matter how much I may want to do good, I cannot-any good I may have intended only turns to evil and further harms those around me.

Thank the LORD it is not about me. I may never hear of my impact on a person's life, nor be approached for 'saving' their life; I may never experience the amazing growth and maturation of a mentee. But God's got it. Isn't that the most comforting thing you've ever heard? To know that it is not about us! Maybe not to everyone-some may even take issue with my theology here, but I don't care. I can sit and bicker about God's role in our lives, or I can demonstrate His love and compassion. I'm not sure this is coherent or linear, but these are my thoughts right now and I feel like getting them down. So deal with it, :-b

I don't know why I expect to be praised; Jesus never told us that we would be held up and admired as heroes. In fact, as one of my best friends and one of my most favorite people in the world recently told me-'Look at Jesus, all of his closest friends deserted Him and left Him to die. Can you really expect to do better?' Honestly, no I can't.

Kairos-these are our defining moments; let's make them count,

David A. Bell

I have decided to follow Jesus
I have decided to follow Jesus
I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back
No turning back
No turning back

In which the author describes a little bit about his friendships

So I had a conversation with a friend recently concerning relationships and how they play out at Gardner-Webb. Honestly, I didn't do much talking (but I feel that those are the times in which I am most effectively used) and that the person needed someone off of which to bounce some ideas. I was more than willing to be that sounding board for him.

Eventually the conversation turned at a couple of points and I found myself discussing some of my issues with the role of 'best friend' in my life. This may require a little of background, so get ready cause we're diving into David's past for a bit. Make sure you have a good supply of oxygen-there's no coming up for air where we're going.

So when I was younger I attended a Lutheran Elementary/Middle school (basically kindergarten through 8th grade). Well, ever since I could remember my time there I had been best friends with Timmy Snell. David Bell and Timmy Snell-our last names rhymed, so clearly we were destined to be best friends forever. Well for our elementary experience, we were best friends-we had sleepovers, went on adventures and hung out a whole lot. It was pretty awesome to have someone you knew you could rely on (although, I question what exactly i would need someone to rely on when I was so young...). Anyway, once we hit 5th grade, popularity and image became a lot more important. Well, I never got that memo and so I was REALLY, really lame and uncool. Now, I don't this was the only factor, but I feel it was a pretty big chunk of the falling out between Timmy and I. He basically tossed me to the curb and I was left to fend for myself. Luckily, there were some other classmates who I connected with and it wasn't the end of my world, but I never found another best friend character throughout middle school.

Well, high school comes along and to make a long and boring story short-I had no best friend in high school either. There were a couple of people that I grew close to, but no one who I felt was someone I could rely on and turn to in times of trouble. Similar story for my first year at G-Dubb.

However, my sophomore year comes along and I find friends, who I might classify as the closest thing to best friends that I have. Now they weren't perfect and they don't fulfill the complete image I have in my mind of a best friend, but they are definitely people I can rely on and with whom I have shared a WHOLE lot of memories. I think they know who they are-TI4.

We skip ahead a bit to a conversation I was having with someone who I classify as my smartest friend and discussing the issue of a best friend. I pointed to David and Jonathan's relationship (a popular reference for people to use in regards to male friendships) and complained that I wanted a friend who I could trust like David and Jonathan trusted each other (I needed a Jonathan!). Well, my brilliant friend pointed to the fact that David didn't start with the relationship with Jonathan; no, he spent years alone in the fields with the sheep, with just God and the sheep as his company. Before I even try to find someone to be my 'best friend' I need to make sure that God is my real 'best friend' and that my relationship with Him is solidified before I go looking to someone else.

You may not agree with this assessment, you may even think it sounds childish and ridiculous. And that's fine-that's your opinion. However, I have found great comfort in this, but also a great challenge-what is my motivation for the things I do? Is it to further my relationship with God? Or is seeking for meaning from inadequate sources?

David

"David was the youngest. Now the three oldest followed Saul, but David went back and forth from Saul to tend his father's flock at Bethlehem." I Samuel 17:14-15

Blessed

Yesterday I was reminded of how blessed I truly am, and yet I still complain about minute details. This is not to say they are insignificant, for in all reality they are very important to me, but that's not much I can do to influence the results-so they become minute.

Job is an amazing individual. Plain and simple; even if you are not religious, you have to admit that Job provides a great example for enduring trials. If you haven't read Job, you should pick it up. But and I think I've given this advice before, you have to be in a "good place"; if you are torn up this book will rip you further. There again maybe that's what it takes-maybe you need to be destroyed so you can be rebuilt into something new.

One of my friends pointed me to the 13th chapter, verse 15 in which Job says that even if God were to kill him, still Job would have faith and hope in Him. I am still in awe of the power of that statement. I have difficulty trusting people in general, but even more so when they give me a reason not to trust them. So the idea of trusting someone even if they 'cause' bad things to happen to you astounds me. I can't do it.

Now, I am a very forgiving person. I always tell people, there will never be a time where I don't love you-I will always love you; I may not like you, but I will always love you. But that's about the only thing they get; from that moment on I will regard them with hesitation-whether they realize it or not.

Job had it all and lost it all. Yet, he remained secure in his faith. That, my friends, is strength.

David

"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him." Job 13:15